Have you ever read or heard something that leaves you craving to ask the source (not to be confused with the reporter) of that information a question or two? Not necessarily to learn more about the topic, but more so as a chance to challenge the accuracy or direction that the piece is steering you toward. (As a matter of note, I regularly get questions after my column appears. Usually to the tune of “Are you a complete idiot?” ... but, as usual, I’ve digressed.)
To answer my own question: Yes, I do get the urge to play prosecutor and ask questions. I’d like a shot at eliminating the extraneous, circumventing and sometimes contradictory information I’m being forced to accept. And because of today’s prevailing tendency to avoid reality — with fantasy sports teams, video games and the like — I thought I’d go ahead and exercise my right to walk in Walter Mitty’s shoes and do just that.
We’ll start off with something on the lighter side: When I hear someone on TV say they heard something with their “own ears,” I want to scream and ask, “Who else’s ears could you have heard it with?” Pretty simple, huh? Yeah, I agree. But we’re moving on to some heavier stuff.
The news around here lately has been the trial of Muzzammil “Mo” Hassan. He was charged with the brutal-beyond-words crime of killing his wife. Acting as his own defense lawyer — and prosecutor, by all accounts — he rambled incessantly about his wife’s shortcomings.
At the risk of exposing my naivete about the court system, I’d like to put on my own prosecutor’s hat and ask him the obvious:
Me: Who’s trial is this? Yours or your wife’s?
Mo: Mine.
Me: What are you charged with?
Mo: Murder.
Me: And you admit that you did it?
Mo: Yes.
Me: No further questions.
That should be all there is to it. There ain’t no Mo no mo’.
Next up: The pope’s “health minister” has said that the organ-donor card that Pope Benedict XVI has carried since the 1970s was made obsolete when he (the pope) ascended to the position of Holy Father. Archbishop Zygmunt Zimowski issued a statement that said the pontiff’s body must “remain intact” because it “belongs to and for the Church in body and soul.” I disagree.
Fantasy court is back in session and I have the archbishop on the stand:
Me: Tell me, Archbishop, what is the pope?
AZZ: He is the successor of the Apostle Peter who Christ left in charge as His spokesperson.
Me: And as His successor, He would want the popes to be imitators of Him. Yes or no?
AZZ: That is correct.
Me: Tell me, how and why did Christ die?
AZZ: He was crucified. He gave up His body so that others could live.
Me: No further questions, your honor.
At least, that’s the way I see ... with my own eyes.
That’s the way it looks from the Valley.
Contact Tom Valley at Tvalley@rochester.rr.com.
Tom Valley
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Tom Valley is a Medina resident. His column appears every Thursday. Contact him at tvalley@rochester.rr.com.
FROM THE VALLEY: The whole unholy and holy truth
- Tom Valley
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FROM THE VALLEY: Soap operas: Before and under siege
It’s been announced that two long-time running soap operas have been canceled and will cease production. The classics “All My Children” and “One Life to Live” will air their final shows in September and January, respectively. Both serials ventured into areas never seen before on daytime television.
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Seriously, can it get any more narcissistic than the music industry’s penchant for self-congratulatory award shows?
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It’s easy to separate those politicians who are in the game for self-promotion versus those who are truly altruistic and want to serve for the betterment of society. You simply lump them all together because there seems to be none of the latter.
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FROM THE VALLEY: The whole unholy and holy truth
I get the urge to play prosecutor and ask questions. I’d like a shot at eliminating the extraneous, circumventing and sometimes contradictory information I’m being forced to accept.
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FROM THE VALLEY: A tale of two pities
Ever since he was young, he knew that his time would come. The time when he’d be the center of attention. He’d heard the stories of how some of the others from the area had grown up to hit the big time. Now it was his turn — this was the year he’d become a star — and he was ready.
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FROM THE VALLEY: The search for the perfect gift
My wife and I took the opportunity to do a little Christmas shopping the day before Thanksgiving. We thought by going then, we’d beat the Black Friday rush.
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VALLEY: Molly is a special little girl
I was talking to my neighbor, Sue, the other day and she told me that they were having a benefit spaghetti dinner for their granddaughter, Molly.
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VALLEY: Write place at the wrong time
Whether or not you’ve noticed, this column has not been in the paper (or online) over the last few weeks. I took some time off — as I did last year — to vacation on the St. Lawrence River.
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FROM THE VALLEY: Maggie’s first trip to the river
The old saying is that there are two sides to every story. Most likely, you’ve heard that before. In today’s column, I’ll demonstrate just how accurate that adage really is.
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