Since my father-in-law passed away in September, the family has been healing gradually.
The last month has brought many thoughtful notes from family, friends and acquaintances. Some folks from out of town that the family lost touch with sent cards and memories; this has all been so appreciated. My husband received a wonderful letter from an ex-co-worker who was unable to make the wake or funeral service. (Some of my husband and his brothers’ ex-girlfriends even resurfaced with visits and cards of condolences.) It’s been more like celebrating 89 years of my father-in-law’s life than mourning his death, and that’s the way it should be.
One day last week, I spent the day with my mother-in-law. We went out to lunch and ended the afternoon at her house sharing a muffin, a cup of tea and some conversation. It’s a blessing to see her getting stronger. We talked about the upcoming holidays and of holidays gone by. We reminisced of my father-in-law’s retirement years, when the two of them took up residence in Florida from fall through early spring and returned to Lockport to live until the next fall. Our family missed the snowbirds around the holidays during those years when the children were younger. Back then, the in-laws spent many a Christmas with friends and family who lived down south. It eventually got to be such a chore for them to run two households that they sold their Florida place and began spending all their time in Lockport.
We talked of our childhood years and how we often tend to remember things happening from a different perspective or completely different than our siblings who are several years younger or older. I am the youngest of four, with 11 years between me and the youngest of the other three children, and my mother-in-law had an older brother, but also a sister who is several years younger than her.
She mentioned going to a gathering with her parents and her sister in their adult years and having people ask who the young lady was. Her sister felt they should have realized who she was, until reminded that she was just a small child when many people saw her last, so of course they wouldn’t recognize her.
The longer we live, the more people we meet from various age groups. My in-laws celebrated their 71st wedding anniversary this year. They were involved in several clubs and social groups over the years and have certainly collected a lot of friends and acquaintances along the way. It’s nice to see my mother-in-law beginning to get out and visit some her old favorite companions again.
It just proves once again that we need to embrace the people we meet along the way. When life seems to be racing at warp speed, it’s good to pull back on the reins a bit and gather a few good friends. We weren’t intended to live our lives in isolation on our own little island. It’s important to take the time to stay in touch and make the effort, even when we don’t feel like it. (I am guilty of that. I don’t care for idle telephone chat, thank God for e-mail.)
I hear the new life expectancy for a fifth of all babies born today could be 100 years old. That’s a long time to gather memorabilia. I guess it’s never too late to blow the dust off of some of our old relationships and get reacquainted with some of the people we’ve collected along the way.
Deb Drinkwalter is a Lockport resident. Her column appears every Sunday. Contact Deb at d.drinkwalter@yahoo.com
