VIOLENCE: Mother of teen victim starts 'Kari's Candle of Hope'

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January 16, 2009

By April Amadon<br><a href="mailto:april.amadon@lockportjournal.com">E-mail April</a> The Lockport Union-Sun %26 Journal Fri Jan 16, 2009, 01:02 AM EST

There were little signs, small clues that something wasn’t right.

Friends and family could see tension growing in the relationship between Kari Gorman, 18, and Shawn Wolf, 19, both students at Wilson High School.

Kari’s mother, Kim Davidson, said that when the family was in Florida last February, Kari received seemingly constant text messages from her boyfriend, Shawn Wolf.

Their friends said Shawn was always around, that Kari was unable to go out with her girlfriends as much as she used to and that he had threatened suicide more than once when she tried to break up with him.

It was only when the relationship ended in tragedy that all the warning signs came together.

Kari was killed July 26 at Shawn’s home on Balmer Road. After an argument, he reportedly shot and killed her, then drove to a cemetery in Youngstown and took his own life.

The sudden violence was a shock to Kari’s family and friends, who never expected the teen’s life to end so abruptly.

For Davidson, the grief still feels fresh, six months later.

“Your mind only lets so much in at a time, and then I think it goes backwards sometimes, too,” she said. “There’s still times I look at her picture, and I’m just waiting for her to come in (the door).”

In the wake of the tragedy, Davidson has decided to turn her grief around, pouring her energy into a new endeavor: Kari’s Candle of Hope.

The Candle of Hope is in its beginning stages, and will soon be a non-profit organization, dedicated to educating young people about teen dating violence.

Davidson hopes to bring a general teen dating violence curriculum to schools, eventually holding workshops to educate teachers on how to present the information to students.

“We’re trying to keep it broad, so there’s other things we can do as necessary to help educate and prevent teen dating violence,” she said. “It’s been a great way for me to start healing, and to hopefully keep this from happening to somebody else, to prevent this from happening to another family.”

Nationwide efforts

Davidson has teamed up with Liz Claiborne Inc., which has sponsored a coalition called Moms and Dads for Education to Stop Teen Dating Abuse. The coalition, known as MADE, works to make teen dating violence education a mandate in schools nationwide.

She has also been in touch with parents in similar situations, including Chris and Ann Burke, whose 23-year-old daughter, Lindsay Ann, was killed by a jealous ex-boyfriend in 2005 in Rhode Island.

The Lindsay Ann Burke Act, which became law in Rhode Island last year, requires school districts in that state to provide teen dating violence education.

Davidson said she has spoken with state Sen. George Maziarz, R-Newfane, about the efforts to make the law nationwide.

Davidson’s mother, Barbara Bradford, said it’s important to give students the information they need to make good choices.

“They teach all kinds of hygiene and sex education, but you need the relationship education to go with it,” Bradford said. “Children don’t know how to handle certain situations.”

Seeing the signs

After Kari’s death, Davidson said, the signs suddenly seemed so much clearer.

“ We read so many stories from different kids afterwards that all saw different signs and didn’t realize they were signs,” she said. “I saw signs and didn’t realize they were signs. We just didn’t understand.”

According to MADE, 57 percent of teens in the U.S. know peers who have experienced abuse in relationships.

The warning signs of an unhealthy relationship include controlling behavior, extreme jealousy, mood swings, possessiveness and constant put-downs.

“All these kids think it’s normal behavior because everybody’s doing it,” Davidson said.

Liz Claiborne Inc., has set up a teen dating abuse hot line, 1 (866) 331-9474, and a Web site, loveisrespect.org, with more information.

Supportive community

Kari and Shawn’s deaths dealt a tough blow to the Wilson community in 2008, after the February death of Tim Kelahan, who was killed in a car crash on his way to school.

Kari was friends with Tim and was devastated by his death, Davidson said. In her senior yearbook photo, Kari wore a green ribbon in Tim’s honor.

“It was a tough thing for everyone to go through, and then to lose two more,” she said.

The United Baptist Christian Church of Lewiston is pitching in to help get Kari’s Candle of Hope up and running, with plans to hold a basket auction Feb. 21.

Meanwhile, Davidson will continue doing speaking engagements, sharing Kari’s story “not as any kind of specialist, but just as a mom.”

“It’s been a great way for me to start healing, and to hopefully keep this from happening to somebody else,” she said. “If you teach the kids the healthy relationships, you’re going to eliminate the abuser so you don’t have a victim.”

Contact reporter April Amadon at 439-9222, ext. 6251.

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