MARREN: A day for the birds

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April 5, 2009

Tim Marren The Lockport Union-Sun %26 Journal Sun Apr 05, 2009, 12:24 AM EDT

After a long week at the office, a nice day like Saturday or Sunday to sleep in is just what the doctor orders sometimes.

But the last few weeks, our tenants below us have been creating quite the racket early on weekend mornings, waking us when we’re trying to catch some extra shut-eye.

I’ve tried banging on the floor from time to time, to no avail. No matter what I did in the past to try and get them to shut up, it didn’t work. They were early risers.

Last week I took matters into my own hands, I decided to dissemble the makeshift condo some sparrows (our tenants) created in a vent just below our bedroom.

And I’m not exaggerating when I say condo. Once I knew the birds were safely out, (save your e-mails), I began the destruction of their lavish living establishment. It wasn’t easy, either. I had to use the tool of choice in our household. The one that has been used to unclog the laundry shoot, get stuff down from high shelves and find socks under the bed: My hockey stick.

This time it was used to pull out — I kid you not — about two large down pillow-sized portions of nest. Grass, twine, wrappers and more came raining out of this vent as I picked at it from our back deck.

Even though I swear by a hockey stick as a tool of choice for just about any household dilemma, it wasn’t enough. I got on a ladder, took a couple swings at the vent with a hammer to knock off some of the tin pieces so I could gain better access, and then used the second best tool of choice: A fireplace tong.

Between the hockey stick and the fireplace tong, most, if not all of the huge nest came out.

After a trip to Lowe’s for some supplies, I was able to jigermarigger a new screen and vent with much smaller holes that hopefully no animal, bird or otherwise, could slip into.

While I think the birds were probably making noise all week, we only noticed on weekends when we were trying to sleep in. This weekend will be the true test of whether they have really been evicted.

But now I have a new problem ... homeless birds just staring at their former residence from an awning they once used as a front porch. It’s all pretty depressing to watch. During these tough economic times, it’s not fun to see anyone homeless, especially small sparrows.

But again, save your e-mails about my cruel-landlord-type antics, we’re buying a birdhouse this weekend.

Tim Marren is the managing

editor of the Lockport Union-Sun & Journal. Contact him at Tim.Marren@

lockportjournal.com or 439-9222.

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