My favorite poem, written by Ogden Nash, goes, “Home is like heaven and orgies are vile, but I like an orgy once in awhile.”
My favorite song lyric is, “It’s so nice to be insane. No one asks you to explain.”
No. I’ve never been to an orgy and if invited now, I would probably just go for the grapes. However, the verse and lyric seem to fit the Polar Bear Swim for Sight in Olcott. It’s a combination of orgy and insanity that involves otherwise ordinary people.
It’s Olcott where I learned the facts of life. That’s a picturesque place at the end of Route 78 that sounds like Wolcott without a ‘W.’ It could be Alexander Woollcott which is Olcott with a “Wooo.”
Alexander is the shirt-tail relative who said, “All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” He also said, "A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go."
Olcott is a hip town the first weekend in March. When we wonder what’s in the water in Newfane, we suspect those curious happenings are caused when Eighteenmile Creek runs uphill.
The first time I covered the Polar Bear Swim, a comely 30-something asked if I would like “Sex on the Beach.” I stuttered and stammered appropriately for a balding man with distinctive gray hair in his ears.
The younger generation laughed and explained that Sex on the Beach was an alcoholic drink.
This year I ventured to a van that offered free Jell-O shots in exchange for a Polar Bear Queen vote. When I explained that I was not on the Official Voyeur Committee, I was offered a belly shot instead.
A what? A belly shot. A belly shot?
Again, the hip folks explained. In a belly shot, properly called a belly-button shot, the partier of the first part puts a shot of alcohol into the naval of the partier of the second part. The partier of the first part partakes in the beverage without a straw.
A bottle of booze was waved in my face, but I explained that I just took my noon Geritol medication and could not imbibe. Does innie or outie matter? I didn’t go that far, but wondered later.
I only drink when I’m alone or with somebody, or weekends or weekdays. But, I’ve never been drunk and don’t endorse giving your brain over to uninhibited spirits.
Inhibitions disappear on the first Sunday in March in a quaint hamlet on the banks of Lake Ontario. Insanity rises.
It’s great to see folks having fun. It’s great that the Olcott Lions Club uses the charity event to help the blind. The country song says you can’t have too much fun or too much money.
Ironically, I can’t condone some behavior or dress, but can’t look the other way.
Contact reporter Bill Wolcott at 439-9222, Ext. 6246.
Bill Wolcott
WOLCOTT: Aging innocent learns facts of life in Olcott
- Bill Wolcott
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US&J staff enjoys downtown treats, tourism
The First Annual Ice Cream Walk was intended to be a lark, celebrating my 46th year in the newspaper business which started on May 7, 1967.
Tuesday's tour turned out to be a lesson in Lockport, a pretty cool city. Main Street and East Avenue have a dozen places that beg questions and a view from the inside out, along Clinton's Ditch, begs a dozen more.
- War of 1812 has lots of connections to us
- Don’t overlook freedom
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The scariest movies ever, in my mind
I don’t enjoy scary movies, so my list of scariest is limited. First on my list would have to be “The Wizard of Oz.” The Wicked Witch of the West gave me the creeps and so did her creepy monkeys. Margaret Hamilton was so frightening to children that Mr. Rogers invited the actress to his neighborhood, cleaned the green paint off her face and show she was really a nice person.
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Who would have thunk, the magic of peanut butter?
If you are what you eat, I guess I was about 50 percent peanut butter as kid. Mom made great dinners for our family of 10, but I had peanut butter for breakfast and peanut butter at bedtime. We rarely ran out.
- Deciding the news is no trivial matter
- Want a treasure that’s hard to measure, take a Penney tour
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Thought-provoking fillers can be fascinating
Before modular layout, newspaper pages were designed with a shotgun, not by page designers.
Stories were spotted all over the place by the person in the slot. We put big headlines on top tried not to bump other headlines. That way, the headlines wouldn’t run into each other. If they did, we used italic type to supplement the Roman. -
Good day, Irene, for folks in Lockport
While taking a break on the only chair at Ottavino Park behind the Union-Sun’s East Avenue office Saturday afternoon, I thought about how lucky Lockport was to have that old sun shining down on it.
It was a good day, Irene. Off to the east, a big storm was rolling up the coast of the Atlantic Ocean, threatening lives and property. One million people were without power as the hurricane pounded the Mid-Atlantic. -
Smart phones can wait, babies can't
- More Bill Wolcott Headlines
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Military Plans to Put Women in Combat Jobs
Solar Power Chargers in NYC Parks
Civil Rights Groups Sue NYPD Over Muslim Spying
Raw: First Lady, Daughters Enjoy Irish Sights
RAW: NSA Director Says 50 Plots Foiled
Boeing, Airbus Battle for Sales Supremacy
